Hungry

I’m hungry.

In a serious way.

As I’ve said before, I have problems swallowing due to my Multiple sclerosis. I truly can not remember the last time I went one day without choking on my food, drinks or own saliva.

But now, I’m hungry. Seriously hungry.

As if the problems with swallowing were not challenging enough, now it feels like I have food lodged in my throat. Thankfully, the food is not blocking my airway and I can still talk and breathe.

The challenge for me is not only eating, drinking and swallowing my own spit, but also taking my daily vitamins and pills.

my daily "cocktail"

When I was in the hospital with ChaCha I was given my first steroid shot since diagnosis. The goal was to help avoid a relapse. Unfortunately I can’t take steroid shots because of my bone disease but the Dr.'s felt the benefit outweighed the risks after I delivered ChaCha.

But boy did I feel good.

For the first time since April, I was able to play with Monkey outside.

Life was good.

That lasted 2 weeks.

By the end of September my symptoms started creeping up on me again.
I was dizzy, numb, had no strength in my arms, my cognition problems became more noticeable, difficulties talking, fatigue, etc. It was the worst I have ever felt.

I have always said that if it weren’t for my children, I would not get out of bed.

If I did not have the amazing husband I have I would also be lost. I know it is hard on him to have a wife with Multiple Sclerosis. We don’t get to do the things we used to do.

I’m also not the person he fell in love with and married. I am afraid I may never again be that woman but that is a different blog topic for a different night.

My family is also wonderful. They are here to help me whenever I need it.

Last week Monkey needed a haircut and I could not drive him the 5 miles to the salon. I didn’t have any arm strength. Luckily I have a wonderful Mom and she drove us.

My husband was out of town on Saturday so my lovely sister stayed with me at my house to help out with ChaCha, just in case I fell. Or perhaps my strength would fail me. Or I was too dizzy to stand up. Etc. Etc. Etc.

God also blessed me with a great circle of friends. This whole MS business is way beyond their understanding. Bless their hearts, they try to understand but it is unexplainable and it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is I’m really not the same person they got to know and befriend but they stand by me and still include me even when they know I might not be able to play.

Thank you also for still putting up with me. I have not turned my computer on regularly and I certainly haven’t kept up with my blog as I would like.

When I started blogging a year ago, the purpose was to keep my sanity. I needed a creative outlet for me to be able to stay busy and keep my mind off the things I could no longer do anymore.

The idea is to focus on what I can do instead of what I am unable to do.

As I was putting ChaCha to sleep just now, I realized tomorrow is December.

It’s a new day. A new month. A new season.

Tomorrow starts our advent calendar here. We will be busy making memories and starting traditions with Monkey.

I am very excited. There is nothing better than seeing Christmas through a child’s eyes.

Tomorrow there will be no time for whining. That ends now. I’ve said what I needed to say in an attempt to preserve my sanity.

Tomorrow will be wonderful.

I may be hungry but that will be okay.

My problems are only problems for me and I am blessed for these problems. There are so many people with REAL problems and I know my “problems” are nothing compared to theirs.

Instead of thinking about how hungry I am and the foods I would love to be able to enjoy, I will be delighted that this will be the first Christmas season in my adult life that I will not be worried about gaining holiday weight.

Good bye November and hello December!